maoam

So, I started counselling placement yesterday
...
.....I was nervous and felt a bit like what do I say, at times! However, the more I reflect back on it, I think it's about how I am in myself and that when I am content to be me and relax, that maybe the rest follows...and a lot of prayer of course!

I'm applying for a job up in Belfast at the Chinese welfare association, working with kids after school. It seems really good and I would like to do something like that...it's been such a rollercoaster ride lately with work and a difficult year. I would love to get it! I guess I will be praying about it and lay it all down and see what happens.

I have counselling class tomorrow, Queens is so different to art college and it wll take me a while to get into the swing of things. I have a reflective journal to write, and the guidelines say 12,000-14,000 words...i don't know how often that is though! I'll have to check it out...it seems like an awful lot!

Anyway, I have had a hope lately and doing a bit better. I have known God in this time, even though nothing has changed and know that He is in it and over it. I'm starting to read the Psalms now and find the honesty of David refreshing. I feel that there are some friends at the moment who are searching for more at this time too and who are very real....this is something I've needed andam thankful for, that I can share honestly and be accepted and pray, seek and ask...


Jesus is teaching me to be thankful and know Him with me...to pick the flowers from the desert. I've been doing some art again and writing some poetry which is good, I've missed my creative edge lately...I seem to easily get out of the way of being creative, I don't like it...my new self challenge is to carry a sketch book about with me and start scribbling!

I'm doing drama club today with work and am going to try to start this reflective journal....and do more job application forms...

...better get on it.

Breathe on me now

Breathe On Me Now

When mt soul has cried its tears
And my heart begins to faint
Will You draw near
will You meet with me

when my days are filled with longing
And my Spirit groans and waits
will you draw near
Will You meet with me

I'm calling and waiting
Your presence Lord is life to me

Breathe on me now as I bow down
I'm desperate Lord for more of You
come satisfy until I
Am even more in need of You

When my dreams have been forgotten
And my hope begins to fade
Will You draw near
Will You meet with me

When my days are filled with searching
And my strength has given way
Will You draw near
Will You meet with me

"I don't think there will ever come a time in my life when hunger for Jesus doesn't drive me to my knees over and over again. I'm so aware of the fact that without Him, I have nothing to live for; nothing to die for. I am in need of God. I will always be." Kathryn Scott.


I think this is the song I have needed to hear and somehow slip out a few words of my heart to Jesus...Jesus you are eveything, please help us...please may we know You above all...may you deepen our relationship with you and draw near to all who need and seek you today...even if they do so unknowingly...search our hearts, pour out your love..be close...

gggggggggrrrrrrrrr

Hello...

I've realised I haven't written in a while...

To be honest I have been finding things difficult and am at a strange place...feeling a bit lost, I have no idea where I am going or of anything ahead at the minute andhave been scared...

I want so badly to believe in God's deep promises and to believe them deeply in me, in my life and to have ruthless trust...i feel that God is doing good things through it all though...

I just have to keep laying it all down again and again and rely on Jesus, it really isn't about me and I need Jesus to intervene, i feel like Zaccheus or someone right at the end of themselves, which is good, but difficult too! i don't feel in a place to be counselling other people, but i start on wednesday!

mum has been praying with me and encouraging me to pray God's promises over my life and that it is time to really believe and to ask and to seek God like I've never done before..a good thing!

I've realised too that i don't like the way it's easy to lose community and accountability...I know how desperately i want to be meeting with others and seeking together...really delving deep, no more shallow stuff...


if anyone is in the same position please let me know...let's get into the havbit of meeting!

I've been thinking about Jabez too and how he left his name, meaning "pain," behind and asked for blessing, asked to have his territory enlarged and that god would take him out of his pain...that it would no longer be who he was...

Mum was telling me a story about a man who met another man at church and asked his name...

the man said, " never mind,'

No, I'd love to know what you're real name is, it does matter!

My name is never mind!


how thankful am I that my parents did'nt name me a name that didn't matter, ho much more do we matter to God...

please that sink in Lord...please, let it be real to us how much you love us and may we then be able to pass that love on...

ciao

wrestling

wow it's been a while...

it's been an interesting time lately, to be honest I've found things difficult and haven't felt or been myself...there's so many things happening and now with engagement things to plan.

I don't want this year to become a time when all my focus is about weddings, that scares me! god has been doing a lot in me through some stress I've been facing and refining me in His image...It feels like the heat is on and God is dealing with things and I'm wrestling and He's taking old things and twisting and moulding them for good...painful!

I recognise more of weakness and so much of what needs to change and I am thankful for God's deep love and patience. I feel it's a battle and I'm laying down and I'm seeking and that this is all for a deeper purpose, for something much more...for His glory. We are made into His likeness...not to become a show piece, but to become one with Christ, to be so joined with Him...to be close, tight...may I never think I need to be "useful" for Christ, but may He shine through when I don't realise...

how refreshing, it's not about me!

I've been reading about taking off my veil, haha, literally I guess that will be me on the 24th June next year! I've been thinking about what it means to be real and to let others see my difficulties so that they may see Christ through me, that in my weakness that I am strong...I think it's time to take off the masks and love people in their weakness and difficulty...a book cover, a front...I want the real me...and also for me to be changed...beauty instead of ashes!

Be real, don't be afraid of the scars, they're beautiful...people NEED us to be real, genuine!

I've realised, how could I ever be a counsellor if I'm not real! I didn't get my counselling plaacement, but I know God has it in His hands...was a bit gutted though, such a good centre! I have another on lined up though and feel God in His providence. Sometimes I feel more of God on the throne when things don't go my way, it shows me a better way...one I couldn't have imagined!

What a dreamer and Creator... I'm thankful for an inspirational, art teacher Abba Dad!

Time to go meet Adrian with Matt to have wedding chat! ***

Good news***

Matt and I got engaged last night!

We went out for dinner, which was yum, then ended up having a lovely walk in Lady Dixon's Park...the rose trials were on, so the whole place was in bloom and was scented wonderfully***

Matt started to just laugh and giggle, so I just gave him a hug and then he began to start asking!

It all seems very natural and normal, itis just the next step for us in our journey and `i am so thankful for Matt and so thankful for God's goodness and blessing.

Jesus is determining the steps and we are blessed.

I'm looking forward to spending time with friends and just enjoying being engaged...I don't want to become a wedding extraordinaire, just in love and to see where Jesus leads us next...

I've got to get ready for work now...normality comes too quickly!

much love :)

rest***

Well, I'm off to work soon to have a party and bbq for the last day of kids club! hopefully it will be good! I've been enjoying work and I'm slowly getting more confident and finding my feet. I've been working with a girl called Kerry who is lovely, so easy to get on with and I'm thankful to have a work place were people are supportive.

then I'm off to Forfey for a few days to get away over the 12th and to do some art, rest and walk in some fields...

i feel God is working through things with me and I'm learning to live with my identity in Him and to not look to what I can see..I find image things such a drain...I just want to be free from things I find difficult and go deeper with Abba..it's the only way.. Intimacy...

maybe forfey will bring some...

much love ***

FORFEY fESTIVAL***

Well, summer madness is over and I'm still recovering! I'm so so glad that I was involved, I loved prayer ministry!

Now I'm back to work tomorrow for kids clubs and getting organised for forfey festival! I'm looking forward to it, and am now only getting around to beginning my own art work...oh dear! If you would, please pray for the festival...we need some funds and feel encouraged by last year and what God will do this year. God really moved, in that people were honest and open about were they were at and asked questions, and I was encouraged to see how people were so open and caring.

I've been a bit stressed out at the whole £ situation, but I want to rely on God and see Him move, so please pray for that as we are only a few weeks away! We are selling tickets now, so if you want to come give me a shout! Or look up the website-

www.forfeyfestival.co.uk or the myspace for info on who is playing etc...

Well, thanks and have a lovely day!

Time to go and read..maybe have some coffee...wish Matt was here to make a latte...he's getting good on the coffee machine !!